Why Tons of Cold-Approaches Hurt Your Game


Why Tons of Cold-Approaches Hurt Your Game

Do you feel yourself getting anxious every time you talk to a girl? What should you do? Cold approaches?

Do You Have A Terrible Cold Approach Success Rate?

Someone tells you, “Do 20 cold approaches today.” So you get started.

The first girl rejects you. The second girl rejects you. The third girl won’t even respond to your lines.

It continues, rejection after rejection. Time after time. Girl after girl. Then, finally, you get some action from a girl you’re not even attracted to, but you don’t care. Because you’re tired and beat down.

I’ve seen this solution constantly repeated for guys who struggle with talking to women. “Go make 30 cold approaches a week, that’ll help you get over your fear.”

This can’t be further from the truth. Cold approach is hard.

The “baptism by fire” approach only works with the correct theory.

For example, let’s say you want to get in better shape. You have to go to the gym and sweat.

If you want to get better at dancing. You have to join a dance class or at the very least YouTube some tutorials.

However, entering a dance competition, as a beginner, isn’t going to make you a better dancer. If anything, it’ll make you not want to dance because of the perceived and obvious judgment you receive.

Cold Approaching is a Waste of Time if You Have No Experience with Women

I can’t understand why people would suggest a guy with little confidence or social skills, cold-approach many women.cold approaching is a waste of time

Even the guy with good social skills gets anxious when cold-approaching women. You must possess a level of detachment combined with confidence for cold-approaches. But, that’s not the point of this article.

The point is, your game and sex life shouldn’t revolve solely around cold approaches. Cold approaches should make up only a small part of your dating life.

Think about jobs that involve cold-calling for sales. Nobody wants those jobs because they suck!

Telemarketers, door-to-door sales, Jehovah’s Witness. These are the most hated jobs and by association, people.

Do we hate these people because they want to sell us something? Not at all.

We hate them because they begin an unnatural conversation with an end-game in mind.

They have a need for instant gratification when it comes to sales.

In seduction, this is called being needy.

You hear so many “no’s” that you’re fighting to get a “yes.” It works the same way with cold approaches. You’re basically trying to sell yourself to a woman for sex.

Seduction should be mutually beneficial. You don’t want to approach the situation with only your benefit in mind. She will sense this, and immediately put up a wall.

Once you get to this point, it will feel more and more difficult to seduce women because you will attempt to talk past the wall, before she puts it up.

In other words, you will sound like the used car salesman, trying to fast-talk a yes, before she says no.

This is obviously bad for attracting women because confident guys are more relaxed and speak slightly slower than average.

Not like a crazed guy, drinking Monster Energy, trying to pick her up on his 16th approach of the day.

How to Increase Your Cold Approach Success Rate

Here’s what to do instead of all day cold-approaches:

cold approach success rate

    • Warm-approaches

If a woman is giving you all the body language cues of attraction, approach!

Strong eye contact, smiling, licking her lips, playing with her hair, etc.

The more nonverbal cues you receive the better.

Don’t wait. When you pick up on these cues, approach her immediately.

The longer you wait, the more your chances decrease in being successful in the seduction.

She thinks you are not that interested in her, so she basically forgets about you.

Women want a man that takes action because his desire for her is nearly uncontrollable.

This ironically is the best approach for cold-approaches, but warm-approaches increase your percentage while slowly building confidence.

That’s why I strongly suggest dropping the cold approach vs warm approach.

warm approach

    • Groups

I continuously preach about meetup groups because they’re so effective for meeting new people.

Not only new people but people who are also receptive to meeting new people.

You can find meetup groups for everything. Any hobby or career interest, even casual sports.

You’d be surprised how many women play ultimate frisbee.

If you’re in a small town or don’t have many meetups in your area, make your own.

You may only have a few people that show at first, but consistency will attract more people.

Remember, it doesn’t have to be something you’re good at.

You can set up a meetup for people looking to improve their dance skills.

Find a free location like a local rec center or a park and you’re ready to go.

best places to cold approach

    • ‎Online dating

Meeting someone online, then meeting in person are basically, “warmer-approaches.”

You know a little about the person you are meeting and she has obviously shown interest by agreeing to the date.

However, you will still feel somewhat anxious about meeting in person.

This is a healthier way to learn how to talk to a woman you just met than cold-approaches.

This can almost serve as practice for meeting women in public, in the future.

You will be a little more used to talking with strangers which will help you attract more women in your daily life.

cold approach in college


  • ‎Scheme approaches

If you must cold-approach, stack the odds in your favor with a good cold approach scheme.

Become a regular at a bar. Get to know the bartenders, waitresses, managers, and other regulars.

This way you are already talking with everyone one in the bar, so approaching women is not as hard.

You may even be approached by women because of your perceived outgoing personality.

Scheme anyway you can to make approaches in your best possible perception.

Some guys are against scheming, in favor of meeting women, “naturally.”

The most successful guys in dating set themselves up for the best chance at winning.

Is Cold Approach Dead?

Not at all! Some guys ask, “is cold approaching is creepy?”

Depends on the situation. If the girl has seen you at the mall randomly approachings girls for hours, she’ll likely find you creepy.

The cold approach game is difficult, but if you have good social skills and know-how to read body language, you can reap many benefits of cold approaching.

I have many cold approach stories that would have likely never happened because the girl wasn’t in my social circle.

I’m working on an article that shows the best places to cold approach. Be sure to check back for that if you are interested in improving your cold approach success rate.

Don’t agree with me? Let me know in the comments.

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About the Author

The Himalaya Playa

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  1. If you’re decent at game, even when you’re out doing daygame, you shouldn’t really have to do more than 5 approaches.

    If, on average, you can’t get 1 in 5 sets hooked and to bounce locations, you’re doing something wrong.

    Obviously, the ideal is going from approach to close on your first set.

    But, if you’re new to game, you do have to get used to facing rejection. If you expect that ideal all the time, you’re in for a rude awakening.

    1. If you’re decent with game, yes. However, guys with no social skills should not be making many cold-approaches.

      I can agree, rejection is part of life. Not just seduction. There are better ways to get used to rejection than approaching closed-off women.

  2. “Strong eye-contact, smiling, licking her lips, playing with her hair, etc.”

    I have never gotten those cues ever. Now what?

    1. Improve your appearance. Expand your social circle. Make sure you’re paying attention to the cues. We miss subtle cues so much as men. I’m guilty as well.

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