How to Pick up Women at the Bar

Are you struggling to pick up women at the bar?

Tired of going to the club several times a week only to leave empty-handed every time?

Let’s not mention how much money you spend doing all that clubbing?

Imagine going to the club and leaving with a cute girl that wants to sleep with you that same night.

Imagine having to decide which girl you want to take home because multiple women are begging for your attention. Tough decision.

Imagine not having to club so much because you have enough phone numbers to set up dates for the next week or two. Eight phone numbers in one night.

That’s exactly what you’ll read here. Let’s start with why most guys struggle.

Why do guys struggle to pick up women at the bar

Why do most guys struggle with night game? Because they’re nervous.

In this article, “The psychology of a night club” by Jordan Detmers, he points out the club owners want you to be nervous so you’ll purchase the solution, alcohol.

Great business model, but not as helpful for the average guy who doesn’t feel comfortable in a dark, loud room crowded with strangers.

If it sounds like night game puts you at a disadvantage…it does. And it gets worse because the competition is high for what is basically attention and perception in the club.

Why do we go to the club?

That doesn’t sound so bad but read this closely: “Women go to the club to dance and hookup. Men go to the club to hook up and dance.”

The good news here is, many women are open to a one night stand because they know it’s a possibility when clubbing.

The bad news is, her guard is up because she knows you just want to get laid.

More bad news is, plenty of other guys are trying to get at her too.

That’s alright. Those other guys haven’t read this guide.

Let’s look at this, “human mating ritual,” that usually happens in clubs.

What do women do to attract men?

Women wear tight clothes to attract men.

Women often wear tight clothes to show attention to their body. Particularly, the breasts and hips.

I didn’t have to tell you that blonde in the tight dress is hot, but there’s proof that women are open to meeting and having sex with you. If you approach right.

Women dance sexy to attract potential partners.

Women dance sexy to attract men who could be potentially sexual partners.

Doesn’t she look so sexy dancing? Well, she wants to see you dance too.

Men dance to show they can protect

Men dancing is important because women equate dancing to men’s ability to protect.

Think about any movie you’ve seen that portrays indigenous people and you’ll usually see some form of dancing.

Dancing can be linked to levels of athleticism and coordination. Two important factors when it comes to fighting or survival.

Many dance battles are set up like fights essentially, so you can see the relation.

You don’t have to dance battle anyone and I wouldn’t recommend it, but you’ll likely want to have a couple of reliable dance moves.

You don’t have to dance like Chris Brown, but just enough to show you have a bit of coordination and confidence. Queue the Chris Brown jokes…

Men are approaching women in high numbers, Women hardly ever approach

The Pareto Principle tells us, 20% of guys are responsible for 80% of hookups.

This makes competition higher and more difficult at clubs because 80% of guys are failing before you even talk to a girl.

The last guy that talked to her right before you could’ve been an asshole or overly aggressive.

Don’t be negative though, women know guys are going to try to seduce them. That’s one reason they go to the club

Lekking Behavior

Bars and clubs are often viewed as an area for lekking. Term used to describe male birds competing for the attention of female birds for mating.

This is essentially what you do at the club. You’re competing for the attention of women to have sex.

Remember, this is competition for “attention,” not fighting or dancing.

I’m going to show you exactly how to when that competition for attention and become the 20% of guys hooking up with the sexy women.

How to Pick Up Women at the Bar

1. Mindset

You ever want something too bad, then it doesn’t happen? It’s similar with picking up women at the bar.

If you want to hook up with a girl too bad, it’s not going to happen.

Alcohol only makes your desperation more noticeable and exaggerated.

Before the night starts, repeat to yourself, “it would be nice to hook up with a girl tonight, but if that doesn’t happen, I’m still going to enjoy myself.”

This is the perfect mindset to have because you can approach women with the intention of having fun and not tying every approach to an outcome or expectation.

Expectations are bad for seduction.

Also, the part about, “enjoying myself,” psychologically makes you have more fun because it’s something you can control.

You can’t control if women will sleep with you, but you can control if you have a good time.

2. Dress well

Fitted clothes with good colors are great for picking up women at the bar.

I used to make the mistake of trying to wear the nicest clothes I owned to the club. Elaborate designs and expensive button downs.

Turns out, I’m more successful when I wear good fitting v-neck shirts or polo style shirts that make my arms look nice.

When selecting clothes for the club, fit is the most important thing. Regardless of your body-type, better fitting clothes make you look more attractive.

Don’t hide behind the baggy clothes. You want her to see you naked anyways, right?

Color is the next important thing. Bright colors are good.

Anything that attracts attention in a dark environment.

Command attention remember?

However, don’t go overboard. Command attention while looking like you’re not trying too hard. Girls don’t like when you’re trying too hard.

Think Adam Levine in the basic white tee. Barely trying, but women love him. I know, you’re no Adam Levine, but you’d better embody that confidence or you don’t stand a chance.

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3. Socialize

Say hello to the people you make eye contact with as you work your way around the club. This is essential to picking up women at the club.

Now we’re in the club. Once you make it into the club, people are going to look at you.

If you’re doing things correctly, many people will look at you.

As you’re walking around and people are looking at you, say hello. Shake hands, pat shoulders, give head nods.

Think of how you’d act if this was your party, thrown in your honor or if you were hosting the party.

Open yourself up to socialize by speaking to men and women throughout the club.

Doing this also helps you warm up for approaching. With the added benefit of making the approach feel less like an approach and more like just socializing.

Sometimes, you find interested women just walking around socializing.

Set the tone for yourself as soon as you walk in to show you’re an open person.

Don’t be one of those people that goes to the club to be antisocial and closed off.

If girls perceive you as an open, social, fun guy when you walk in, you’ll have a better chance when making an approach later.

Perception is everything. Though you don’t know any of those people you’re speaking to, she thinks you do. If you do it correctly, you’ll look like the man.

4. Post up

Find an attention-grabbing spot in the club and command attention.

The most important parts of this list are the previous step and this step.

Talking with everyone shows you’re open and creates the perception you’re an outgoing guy and helps with that competition for attention.

Take that a step further by posting up in the most attention-grabbing spot of the club.

You can look around the club, looking to make eye contact with as many women as possible.

Sip your drink and rock to the songs.

More importantly, display confident body language.

This increases your position in the attention race by high multiples depending on the club.

I was very successful at some clubs previously because they had a stage. My friend and I would post up on stage before heading into the next step.

This step largely depends on the club because some clubs have no attention-grabbing spots. Everyone is at the same level and no steps are available to make you stand higher.

Sometimes, you can’t get access to the best spot because it’s VIP or DJ only.

Work your way around the club and find the best spot possible.

I would estimate posting up for 2-3 songs. Maybe a max of 5 songs. You don’t want to look bored or show unconfident body language in the post up spot.

After a few songs, you’ll probably start to feel bored, but remember to make eye contact with as many women as you can.

If you can, make eye contact with women on the dance floor.

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5. Hit the dance floor

Dance by yourself, but also try to dance with girls.

You’ve been posted up for a couple of songs, now it’s time to hit the dance floor.

You can dance by yourself, looking to make eye contact with different women so you can dance with them.

Or you can grab a girls hand if you’re coming up behind her.

Sometimes you can just walk up behind her and start dancing with her, but you run a risk by trying to dance with her before she sees you.

She could brutally reject you. Or just be creeped out.

A lot of how you approach girls on the dance floor will depend on the club. For example, a very crowded club would be more acceptable to walk up behind a girl. Whereas, a less crowded club or bar might not work as well for that technique.

If you posted up good, you should find it easier to dance with women.

They’ve been watching you posted up for the last couple songs and don’t regard you as a threat.

It’s different than you sitting in the corner all night, coming from nowhere trying to dance with her.

A dangerous man wouldn’t just stand on the stage in front of all these people, right?

Well, anything is possible, but we’re more apt to trust a person standing on a stage as opposed to a person sitting in a dark corner.

So you’re dancing with a girl, dance with another girl. Dance with as many girls as you can. Have fun!

Keep an eye open for what women seem most interested.


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6. Guage your potentials

Get the phone numbers of girls that seem interested.

Much like spotting a football, figuring out which girls you should pursue is an inexact science.

For most, the goal is obviously to get laid. Some guys are looking for a more serious relationship, but they should still try to get laid.

Trying to get laid shows her your desire for her. Of course, make sure she consents. That’s always a must.

But, some guys hold back because they want to be, “gentlemen.”

That’s perfect if she’s too drunk or not able to consent.

Otherwise, you should be looking to get laid so she knows, you’re pursuing her for a sexual relationship.

Going back to which girls to pursue.

Go after the girls that seem most genuinely interested in you. Some girls will fake interest in drinks, attention, or other reasons. Try to see through the fake interest and cut those conversations shorter.

Usually, you can read a girl’s body language to see if she’s interested. If she only seems concerned about when you’ll buy her a drink, or she keeps looking around the club while you’re talking, move on.

You can talk and dance with multiple women in one night, but you’ll want to start wrapping things up for the end of the club so you can take someone home.
One surefire way to figure out if girls are interested is to escalate.

7. Escalate

Figure out which girls want to sleep with you that night.

As always, “No” means “No.”

She shouldn’t have to say no because you’ll notice in her body language if she starts pulling away or puts more physical space between the two of you.

However, if you’ve been dancing with her, grinding, touching, feeling, laughing. She’s leaning into you. You’re grabbing her butt and rubbing on her legs. She’s rubbing on your legs and package.

You’ll want to suggest leaving prior to the end of the club, so you can see if she’s serious or faking.

She could be all over you, then when the club ends, act like she doesn’t have time for you. That’s usually fake and can waste a lot of your time.

Escalating is somewhat of a push-pull process where you push boundaries, like moving closer into her personal space, then gauging her response. She backed up, means she’s not interested in you at the moment. She moved closer, means she’s interested and you should look to escalate again at some point.

I have an escalation guide I can update and post if you guys are interested. It’s actually one of the chapters of my book, The Himalaya Playa. I believe it’s chapter 8.

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Pick up that woman at the bar

People often forget the biggest challenge with picking up women at the bar is getting attention.

Socializing more, posting up, eye contact, and some basic dance moves are the keys to leaving the club with a woman

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